HAIKU #300
I won't rest until
My life is exactly like
A Step Up movie
#NewYear #AllThatMatters
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Monday, December 26, 2016
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Saturday, December 17, 2016
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Saturday, December 10, 2016
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Saturday, December 3, 2016
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Monday, November 28, 2016
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Monday, November 21, 2016
Sunday, November 20, 2016
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Monday, October 31, 2016
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Friday, September 30, 2016
Monday, September 26, 2016
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Friday, September 16, 2016
Monday, September 12, 2016
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Monday, August 29, 2016
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Monday, July 25, 2016
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Monday, July 11, 2016
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Friday, June 24, 2016
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Saturday, June 11, 2016
SOMETHING REAL
Give me something real to say
Something real as bread today
Anything upbeat I'll take
Anything to stay awake
Give me something real to do
Something real to pull me through
Anything to guide me when
I start getting lost again
Help me give them something real
Scraps that constitute a meal
Anything their hearts can keep
As you lift us from our sleep
Give me something real to say
Something real as bread today
Anything upbeat I'll take
Anything to stay awake
Give me something real to do
Something real to pull me through
Anything to guide me when
I start getting lost again
Help me give them something real
Scraps that constitute a meal
Anything their hearts can keep
As you lift us from our sleep
Friday, June 10, 2016
Saturday, June 4, 2016
Friday, June 3, 2016
ENDORSEMENT 17
Damn. Cherry 7-Up is pretty. I mean, it tastes good too. But damn, you know? It looks like something you'd drink while watching a sunset in outer space. And yeah, I know, if you're in outer space, it's not like you can really watch a sunset. Because you've got, like, no sky or whatever. Look, I understand that. Don't get caught up in the scientific details of what I'm saying. I'm only trying to express a feeling. You know this is why we don't hang out anymore. Stop trying to debunk my shit, bro. You use your brain too much. Try using your heart for once. This is bullshit. I was in a good mood before. Now I have to go make balloon animals to cheer myself up again.
Cherry 7-Up. Try using your heart.
Damn. Cherry 7-Up is pretty. I mean, it tastes good too. But damn, you know? It looks like something you'd drink while watching a sunset in outer space. And yeah, I know, if you're in outer space, it's not like you can really watch a sunset. Because you've got, like, no sky or whatever. Look, I understand that. Don't get caught up in the scientific details of what I'm saying. I'm only trying to express a feeling. You know this is why we don't hang out anymore. Stop trying to debunk my shit, bro. You use your brain too much. Try using your heart for once. This is bullshit. I was in a good mood before. Now I have to go make balloon animals to cheer myself up again.
Cherry 7-Up. Try using your heart.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Monday, May 2, 2016
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Saturday, April 2, 2016
ENDORSEMENT 16
What up. I get a lot of endorsement opportunities because I'm like a world-class beach volleyball instructor or whatever. In fact, I'm supposed to be teaching right now but it's cold as hell outside so nobody showed up, right? That's cool though because I'm sitting in my truck eating a can of Cheese Burger Pringles, dude. It tastes just like a real cheeseburger with extra pickles, right? Except check it: It's like potato chips or whatever in a long fuckin' cylinder, dude. Is that crazy as balls? Futuristic as hell, right? I got a DVD player in the truck so I'm watching The Best Man Holiday on DVD right now. If nobody shows up by the talent show scene I'm gonna bounce it over to McDonald's for a Pepsi, dude.
Cheese Burger Pringles. I'm supposed to be teaching right now.
What up. I get a lot of endorsement opportunities because I'm like a world-class beach volleyball instructor or whatever. In fact, I'm supposed to be teaching right now but it's cold as hell outside so nobody showed up, right? That's cool though because I'm sitting in my truck eating a can of Cheese Burger Pringles, dude. It tastes just like a real cheeseburger with extra pickles, right? Except check it: It's like potato chips or whatever in a long fuckin' cylinder, dude. Is that crazy as balls? Futuristic as hell, right? I got a DVD player in the truck so I'm watching The Best Man Holiday on DVD right now. If nobody shows up by the talent show scene I'm gonna bounce it over to McDonald's for a Pepsi, dude.
Cheese Burger Pringles. I'm supposed to be teaching right now.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
BATMAN v OPTIMUS PRIME: A REVIEW
By Perry Twinkle
Last weekend I was in for a big surprise at the Pennycraft Theatre. The reason I was surprised is because when I purchased my movie ticket I honestly thought I was signing up for a carpentry class. Instead, I'm told I was among the first to see the big new movie Batman v Optimus Prime: Dawn of Just Dance. Supposedly it's the first in a series of superhero street-dancing movies. Whatever. The characters and acting in this one were atrocious, and that's if I'm being generous. The only exception was Mr. Freeze, played brilliantly by an almost-unrecognizable Ernie Johnson (Inside the NBA). But as bad as the rest of the cast was, the dialogue was somehow even worse. For example, I was confused by Lois Lane's repeated use of the term "hot balls." As in, "Go ahead, Superman, but building a water slide in the backyard isn't exactly my cup of hot balls." To make matters worse, Galvatron constantly misused the word "literally" and downright abused the word "cereal." As in, "This wedding rehearsal is literally a train wreck. I am dead cereal." That's an actual line from the movie! To be fair, I'm not familiar with that character. But he is a giant, sinister-looking robot and he sounded like my obnoxious tweenage niece Abigail. (OMG. Hi, Abigail, if you're reading this!) Although most of the performances were unwatchable at best, this may have been in part due to the casting. I had trouble believing Superman or Batman, played respectively by Daniel Dae Kim (Hawaii Five-0) and an over-the-hill Joe Perry (Aerosmith). Furthermore, I disagreed with the decision to portray Lois Lane in CGI, even if she was voiced by the usually-fabulous Allison Williams (Peter Pan Live!). As a final note/complaint, are we really supposed to believe that NO ONE would recognize Optimus Prime when he takes off his glasses to "transform" into Truck-Man? I don't mean to sound like an enormous B-word, but that part was just dumb. All in all, I suppose the movie could have been worse. But it also could have been a lot better. It certainly wasn't worth the $160 I paid to see it. If you want my advice, stick to adult ed community classes no matter what the ticket vendors tell you. I know I will!
D-
By Perry Twinkle
Last weekend I was in for a big surprise at the Pennycraft Theatre. The reason I was surprised is because when I purchased my movie ticket I honestly thought I was signing up for a carpentry class. Instead, I'm told I was among the first to see the big new movie Batman v Optimus Prime: Dawn of Just Dance. Supposedly it's the first in a series of superhero street-dancing movies. Whatever. The characters and acting in this one were atrocious, and that's if I'm being generous. The only exception was Mr. Freeze, played brilliantly by an almost-unrecognizable Ernie Johnson (Inside the NBA). But as bad as the rest of the cast was, the dialogue was somehow even worse. For example, I was confused by Lois Lane's repeated use of the term "hot balls." As in, "Go ahead, Superman, but building a water slide in the backyard isn't exactly my cup of hot balls." To make matters worse, Galvatron constantly misused the word "literally" and downright abused the word "cereal." As in, "This wedding rehearsal is literally a train wreck. I am dead cereal." That's an actual line from the movie! To be fair, I'm not familiar with that character. But he is a giant, sinister-looking robot and he sounded like my obnoxious tweenage niece Abigail. (OMG. Hi, Abigail, if you're reading this!) Although most of the performances were unwatchable at best, this may have been in part due to the casting. I had trouble believing Superman or Batman, played respectively by Daniel Dae Kim (Hawaii Five-0) and an over-the-hill Joe Perry (Aerosmith). Furthermore, I disagreed with the decision to portray Lois Lane in CGI, even if she was voiced by the usually-fabulous Allison Williams (Peter Pan Live!). As a final note/complaint, are we really supposed to believe that NO ONE would recognize Optimus Prime when he takes off his glasses to "transform" into Truck-Man? I don't mean to sound like an enormous B-word, but that part was just dumb. All in all, I suppose the movie could have been worse. But it also could have been a lot better. It certainly wasn't worth the $160 I paid to see it. If you want my advice, stick to adult ed community classes no matter what the ticket vendors tell you. I know I will!
D-
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Monday, March 21, 2016
ENDORSEMENT 15
A lot of people ask me what type of motherfucker I am. And I say, "I don't know. A tropical paradise motherfucker?" And they say, "Yo. I don't think that's a type of motherfucker." So I say, "Okay. Maybe, like, a sunset beach resort type of motherfucker? What about that?" And they say, "Absolutely not." So I'm like, "Okay. Why don't you just tell me what types of motherfucker you have heard of?" And they're like, "Honestly, I don't feel comfortable tellin' you that shit." So I'm like, "You know what? Fuck y'all. If it's gonna be like that, I'm stickin' with my original answer."
Tropical Paradise Motherfucker. That's a type of motherfucker.
A lot of people ask me what type of motherfucker I am. And I say, "I don't know. A tropical paradise motherfucker?" And they say, "Yo. I don't think that's a type of motherfucker." So I say, "Okay. Maybe, like, a sunset beach resort type of motherfucker? What about that?" And they say, "Absolutely not." So I'm like, "Okay. Why don't you just tell me what types of motherfucker you have heard of?" And they're like, "Honestly, I don't feel comfortable tellin' you that shit." So I'm like, "You know what? Fuck y'all. If it's gonna be like that, I'm stickin' with my original answer."
Tropical Paradise Motherfucker. That's a type of motherfucker.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Friday, March 18, 2016
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
AS THEY LEAVE
She's Japanese
She loves the sea
She watches sailors
As they leave
She lays beneath
The evergreens
And dreams
Herself to sleep
She loves the sea
She's Japanese
She sucks off sailors
On her knees
She prays beneath
The evergreens
For love
That she can keep
She's Japanese
She loves the sea
She sleeps with sailors
For a fee
She plays beneath
The evergreens
While wives
And mothers weep
She's Japanese
She loves the sea
She watches sailors
As they leave
She lays beneath
The evergreens
And dreams
Herself to sleep
She loves the sea
She's Japanese
She sucks off sailors
On her knees
She prays beneath
The evergreens
For love
That she can keep
She's Japanese
She loves the sea
She sleeps with sailors
For a fee
She plays beneath
The evergreens
While wives
And mothers weep
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Saturday, February 27, 2016
ZOOLANDER 2: A REVIEW
By Marco H. Marco
Last night I had the pleasure of seeing Zoolander 2 with my great-aunt Estelle, who is 4 years younger than me. The stage was set for enchantment, as it was my first time visiting Záhrada, the premier rooftop garden theater in all of Prague. If you haven't, you simply must. Now, as many of you know, creating a successful movie sequel is like designing an iconic Spring Collection: Many have tried, few succeed. But, as an American might say, Zoolander 2 knocks it out of the park. Like a soccer ball. You must believe me when I say this movie has the heart of a Tibetan gladiator and the playful, elf-like humor of a young Eskimo princess. And that is not to even mention the fashion! To stitch words onto the fabric of such beauty would be to do the World of Form a sad injustice. Truly. Instead, treat yourself to a new wardrobe and see Zoolander 2 at your nearest rooftop garden theater. Because that, my beautiful friends, spells "luxury."
Five stars.
By Marco H. Marco
Last night I had the pleasure of seeing Zoolander 2 with my great-aunt Estelle, who is 4 years younger than me. The stage was set for enchantment, as it was my first time visiting Záhrada, the premier rooftop garden theater in all of Prague. If you haven't, you simply must. Now, as many of you know, creating a successful movie sequel is like designing an iconic Spring Collection: Many have tried, few succeed. But, as an American might say, Zoolander 2 knocks it out of the park. Like a soccer ball. You must believe me when I say this movie has the heart of a Tibetan gladiator and the playful, elf-like humor of a young Eskimo princess. And that is not to even mention the fashion! To stitch words onto the fabric of such beauty would be to do the World of Form a sad injustice. Truly. Instead, treat yourself to a new wardrobe and see Zoolander 2 at your nearest rooftop garden theater. Because that, my beautiful friends, spells "luxury."
Five stars.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
ENDORSEMENT 14
A lot of people spend their life savings trying to figure out if crocodiles have pubes. But not me. I've been studying crocodiles firsthand my entire adult life. And aside from the initial purchase of the crocodiles, my money stays where it belongs: in my pocket. Unless, of course, you factor in the cost of sheltering and feeding the crocodiles. But that's it. The rest of my money stays put. Except, I suppose, there are the occasional medical expenses whenever one of the crocodiles gets injured or sick, which is surprisingly often. And, in the rare event that you should ever have to bankroll a crocodile funeral, all I can say is watch out. No one prepared me for that. Look, full disclosure: I've spent my life savings trying to figure out if crocodiles have pubes. And all I'm asking for is a generous donation of hard cash and additional crocodiles so as I might continue this important line of research.
Crocodiles. I'm not sure if they have pubes.
A lot of people spend their life savings trying to figure out if crocodiles have pubes. But not me. I've been studying crocodiles firsthand my entire adult life. And aside from the initial purchase of the crocodiles, my money stays where it belongs: in my pocket. Unless, of course, you factor in the cost of sheltering and feeding the crocodiles. But that's it. The rest of my money stays put. Except, I suppose, there are the occasional medical expenses whenever one of the crocodiles gets injured or sick, which is surprisingly often. And, in the rare event that you should ever have to bankroll a crocodile funeral, all I can say is watch out. No one prepared me for that. Look, full disclosure: I've spent my life savings trying to figure out if crocodiles have pubes. And all I'm asking for is a generous donation of hard cash and additional crocodiles so as I might continue this important line of research.
Crocodiles. I'm not sure if they have pubes.
Monday, February 22, 2016
Friday, February 19, 2016
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Friday, February 5, 2016
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Friday, January 29, 2016
Monday, January 25, 2016
Friday, January 22, 2016
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Friday, January 15, 2016
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Monday, January 11, 2016
Saturday, January 9, 2016
INSIDE OUT: A REVIEW
By Marco H. Marco
This morning over breakfast I had a beautiful and powerful experience. For the first time I viewed Pixar's Inside Out movie, and with a tidal wave of emotions I cried. That is right. In my tight little cutoff t-shirt with my non-dairy caramel-pecan latte, I cried like a little European bitch boy. What can I say? If you haven't already, you must put on a new outfit and see this movie. I will think of it with focused admiration the next time I design a collection of high-end women's footwear. And that, my beautiful friends, spells "luxury."
Five stars.
By Marco H. Marco
This morning over breakfast I had a beautiful and powerful experience. For the first time I viewed Pixar's Inside Out movie, and with a tidal wave of emotions I cried. That is right. In my tight little cutoff t-shirt with my non-dairy caramel-pecan latte, I cried like a little European bitch boy. What can I say? If you haven't already, you must put on a new outfit and see this movie. I will think of it with focused admiration the next time I design a collection of high-end women's footwear. And that, my beautiful friends, spells "luxury."
Five stars.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Sunday, January 3, 2016
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