HAIKU #47

I'm a small town boy
With big city hopes and dreams
Best o' both worlds, y'all!

HAIKU #46

We've undervalued
Innocence and playfulness
In our adult lives

TOWER

They locked me in this tower
To think about my crimes
The tower has a story
I've heard it lots of times

They say when people come here
It plays upon their nerves
That every man who stays here
Will get what he deserves

For me it was a cellmate
In noticeable pain
Who claimed his former cellmate
Had driven him insane

He said this other person
Provoked him day and night
Berating him with insults
And forcing him to fight

I said he could relax now
And set aside those fears
I found some toilet paper
To wipe away his tears

He smiled and said the last man
Was not at all like me
Just then the tower guards came
And said we both were free

My cellmate left before me
Embracing our new fate
I stopped to ask the guards first
About his last cellmate

I asked why such behavior
Was something they'd condone
They said until I came here
My cellmate was alone

They said he'd been a tyrant
Before his time inside
The tower caused his madness
And took away his pride

Through me he learned compassion
The power that it had
My crime had been self-hatred
I learned I'm not so bad

HAIKU #45

Life's a vacation
The trick to enjoying it
Is to pack lightly

HAIKU #44

I'll start a movement
To get rid of useless shit
A bowel movement

#springcleaning

HAIKU #43

Look for open men
When you're getting double-teamed
Not like that, you perv

#marchmadness

ENDORSEMENT 8

Hi. My name is Marco H. Marco. I design high-end women's footwear. And, as you can see, I live on an island. Sure, my lifestyle is lavish and I'm very blessed, but there's one thing I love more than all the runways, mansions, and helicopters combined. And that one thing is Fresca. With its original citrus taste, not to mention zero sugars and caffeine, Fresca is about as smooth and refreshing as a new pair of Marcos on some finely-pedicured Brazilian feet. And that, my beautiful friends, spells "luxury."

Fresca. The sparkling taste... of luxury.

HAIKU #42

God is all around
Keep looking and you'll find Him
Hidden in plain sight

SPORTS ILLUSTRATED INTERVIEW - PREVIEW #1

"How do I get open? I don't know. I've been playin' this game for eighteen years now, and I have no idea how I get open. I'm an athlete. It's my job to do things, not to understand things. If you want somebody who understands things, hire a scientist. Or a librarian. Hire a mechanical engineer for all I care. But I never seen no mechanical engineer get open the way I can. If you ask me, mechanical engineers are ruinin' the game. And that's sayin' a lot, because I don't even know what a mechanical engineer do. Plus I got this new rap song comin' out with Shaq."

HAIKU #41

Orgasm's a gift
It's based on the sense of touch
Porn can't give you that

HAIKU #40

Past does not exist
Present does and can't be changed
Future is for us

HAIKU #39

Two searching soul mates
Dream of each other at night
Centuries apart

ENDORSEMENT 7

Look, I'ma be honest with you cats. I mean, I don't normally do this, right? I mean, I'm a convicted felon, okay? I steal racing cars, ya dig? But okay, check it: Simply Apple juice is simply delicious. It's pure pressed and not from concentrate. I mean, you didn't hear it from me, but it's basically like having an apple orchard in a bottle, yo. And that's straight-up truth, fam. I mean, I'm out on parole so I ain't takin' no chances. Hold up—I'm about to steal me a racing car.

Simply Apple. Pure pressed, not from concentrate.

POINT-COUNTERPOINT-POINT

From the Felicity episode "The Fugue"
Originally aired 3/2/1999

JULIE
It's your swim team group, your new friends—I don't think that they like me.

BEN
You know what? You're nuts, okay? 'Cause they totally like you.

SEAN
I don't think they like her.

The winner: BEN!

HAIKU #38

We're discrete units
Separate and meaningless
Except when we love

MUSIC MAKES ME DANCING!

English is no my first words
But this musics are absurds!
In right ways I feels and moves
On dance floor with none to proves

With drink I become invince
Give to U.S.A. a prince!
Dope is me! Such fresh and clean!
Till make puke on brand new jean

Friends to keep explore the night
Pussy girls get me excite!
We'll do sex and romancing!
Music makes me dancing!

POINT-COUNTERPOINT

From the Felicity episode "Finally"
Originally aired 12/15/1998

FELICITY
Poetry is the greatest.

BEN
Well... Pizza's the greatest.

The winner: BEN!

HAIKU #37

Being sick's not cool
You watch too many movies
Then you feel guilty

HAIKU #36

Being sick is cool
You can watch movies all day
Totally guilt-free

HAIKU #35

Temptation's a crack
In the dam of joyfulness
It lets sorrow through

We tend to think of giving in to temptation as an action we perform—the default is that we do nothing; the action is that we give in. But this is incorrect. When we feel tempted, the mechanism is already in place; the force is already acting upon us. When we give in to temptation, we are no more performing an action than a stone performs an action by falling when the ground gives way beneath it. By giving in to temptation, we exercise no more power of choice than does the falling stone.

Giving in to temptation is the actual default—in doing so we merely submit and are slaves. Resisting temptation is the real action—it is how we exercise our power of choice, how we break our shackles and become truly free.

HAIKU #34

What's this strange planet?
Its ways are foreign to me
Earth is not my home

HAIKU #33

When does life begin?
It's long after conception
Life begins at death

HAIKU #32

Defending the self
Is how we destroy the self
We need to let go

HAIKU #31

Hate can be okay
Sometimes hate is part of love
I hate that outfit

#oscars #bitch

ONLY THE BEST FOR US

Needlessly we overpay for fancy things

Sinking ever deeper into debt

The stress of it is damaging our health

Only the best for us!